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Law Office of Jay R. Mueller Albuquerque, NM (505) 563-5614
Focusing on Custody, Child Support, Divorce, and DWI Defense
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How to Guarantee that You Won't be the Custodial Parent
| Posted on June 1, 2015 at 1:04 PM |
How to
Guarantee that You Won’t be the Custodial Parent Before you read any further, I realize what I’m about to
present is plain common sense. I’m not trying to insult your intelligence but
you would be utterly surprised at the number of times intelligent people do
rather dumb things when it comes to their personal lives and especially when a
court hearing is on the calendar. So I am going to take a different approach
because some folks benefit more from hearing what they shouldn’t do rather than
what they should do. I tell almost all my clients that custody cases are won
or lost largely due to a parent’s behavior and because the parent has lost
sight of what’s in the best interests of their child. These are basic common
sense points but if you ignore them, you can put yourself at a severe disadvantage
of becoming the primary custodial parent or even having joint custody. Try To
Maintain Custody of Your Children from the Get-Go This is huge. If you move out of the marital/joint
residence and leave your children with the other parent, you are essentially
giving away custody. This sounds so simple but many people make this mistake.
You can’t move out without your kids–period. No matter how bad the situation
with your partner, you need to maintain your living arrangement with your kids.
Find a way to make it work. If you’ve decided that moving out is the best thing
for you and the children then make sure you get the other’s parent’s consent in
writing to do so. An email or a text willdo. What happens if the other parent doesn’t agree or what if
the other parent tries to take the children first? If it is clear that you are
getting divorced or separating from your spouse/co-parent, then make it very
clear to them that s/he cannot leave and take the kids without your permission.
Make this clear in several emails, texts, etc. that you do not consent to the
children’s removal. Your partner/spouse, can move out, but the kids need to
stay until the case is resolved. You should also file a Petition for Dissolution of your marriage
or Petition to Determine Parentage (for unmarried couples) in the District
Court immediately. If your spouse moves out with the children behind your back,
then you will have a good case for a court to bring them back on an emergency
basis. You will have documentary evidence proving you didn’t agree for the other
parent to take the kids. Stay Active in Your Children’s
Lives. Have you met with the children’s teachers? Do you
schedule doctor’s appointments? Do you take the kids to their extracurricular activities?
Do you spend time with your children? Do you take them to buy clothes? Do you
take them to buy school supplies? Do you attend their school
events/extra-curricular activities? The more “yes” answers the better! If you haven’t taken an interest in your child’s life
until you file a Petition to Determine Parentage or file your divorce petition,
then you are unlikely to be able to turn it around in time to become the
primary custodial parent. In my experience custody needs to be earned from day
one of the child’s life. If you were absent from the child’s life or took a
back seat to the other parent, then your case becomes rather challenging. Don’t Alienate the Other
Parent Discuss the children’s issues with the other parent. Do
it via email if you have to. You two may not agree, but at least you have a record
that you tried. Unless there’s outright physical, sexual, emotional, or other
types of abuse, you must allow the other parent to co-parent. This does not
mean that you shouldn’t be taking control, but you should also remember that
there are always two parents and both have a legal right to input into the
children’s lives. Don’t be a
bad parent Don’t put yourself into a
position where the other parent could get an order of protection against you or
worse, file a criminal charge.Separating couples often have
at least one big blowout. They also are prone to argue a lot. However, don’t
ever put yourself in a position where the other parent could make allegations
to support an order of protection against you. Don’t stalk them. Don’t contact
their job. Don’t contact their new boyfriend or girlfriend. No Facebook or
other social media stalking or bad-mouthing. Avoid verbal altercations at all
cost. Don’t ever send threatening emails
or text messages. This is plain common sense but here goes: if you drink,
smoke marijuana, or use other drugs don’t do it around your children;
especially hard drugs. If the other parent knows you enjoy recreational drug
use or alcohol use, you might want to consider quitting while the case is
pending. Of course, if you have a legal permit for medicinal marijuana this
will likely not apply. Similarly if you enjoy other adult activities keep those
out of your children’s lives. Obviously putting yourself in a position where you get
arrested especially for Domestic Violence or DWI, testing positive for illegal
drugs or becoming promiscuous to the point that the other parent can
substantiate it with evidence severely hampers your chances for a favorable day
in court. This is not the time for anyone to discover you have a porn addiction
or that you frequently drive after drinking. Nothing guarantees that a court will award you primary
custody but there are certainly several factors that the other parent can argue
against you getting any custody. Please bear the four points we’ve discussed in
mind at all times. |
Categories: child custody
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