Here are the top 10 tips on what to avoid when filing for divorce.

Having a new baby during the pendency of your divorce is problematic. Not only is not healthy for you or the baby, but it can be off-putting to the Court should the judge find out. Likewise, if you’re a man, don’t get anybody pregnant. Although New Mexico is a no-fault state, the Court won’t be happy to hear that Dad has a new family in the making before he’s even divorced. Also, if you and your soon-to-be Ex are occasionally still on for an occasional “booty-call” beware! A pregnancy can only complicate an already complicated situation.

Change your will! If you don’t update your estate plan, your Ex will have a legal claim to your estate in some circumstances. Be sure that you also change life insurance beneficiaries.

New Mexico is a no-fault state, so adultery is not legal grounds for divorce. However, in terms of determining custody, a parent’s behavior can be questioned and parents oftentimes find themselves under the microscope. Courts may frown on a parent’s home being open to new houseguests especially if the children are present.

Substance abuse is a leading cause of divorce and if your substance abuse was a cause of your divorce then perhaps you might want to work on that. Regardless, during the pendency of your divorce, alcohol and drug abuse are not things that will help. If you want a healthy relationship with your kids and hope to have visitation, then keep drugs and alcohol in check. Divorce lawyers love to argue to the judge that the other parent is dangerous to the children because of a recent DWI or rumors of hard drug use.

Your kids are going to need you now more than ever. If you want to be the custodial parent then this is your moment to shine. You need to get or stay in your child’s life. Examples are getting to know the school, including the teachers and staff, visit your child’s extracurricular activities or encourage your kids to get involved in activities such as taekwondo, dance, scouting or gymnastics.

There’s a couple of reasons to consider seeing a therapist. First, the divorce process can be emotionally grueling on a person. A good therapist can help you navigate through the mental and emotional challenges that everybody faces during these times. Secondly, many divorces are caused at least in part by such things as substance abuse, domestic violence, mental illness, and financial complications. A therapist might be a good resource to help you with some of these concerns. And lastly, a therapist can document your progress and fitness as a parent.

You already know the holidays are going to be difficult. So why wait? Divorce lawyers often see a bump in business before, during, and after Christmas. It's also easier to get used to an empty home before the holidays.

Be sure to visit with a tax professional to determine the best tax strategies for you. This includes tax deductions for children, whether you should file “married separately” etc. These are not questions for your lawyer exclusively as most lawyers are not tax specialists.

Of course, you want out of your marriage immediately but that doesn't mean you should forfeit your family’s financial security. Make copies of all of your important financial documents: pension statements, tax forms, credit card statements, and other records. It will help you become aware of what you own and even what you owe. This is all very necessary when it comes to the legal work that must happen during a divorce. This will make your divorce easier in that your attorney can already begin working on the financial disclosures. 

Divorce is expensive. On top of attorney's fees, you will need money to set up a new household. Although the law permits temporary division and allocation of assets to ensure that each party isn’t destitute, this process can take awhile and it can take even longer before you receive your first check from your soon-to-be- Ex if the Court even awards an equalization in your favor. Also, you will be responsible for half of the expenses during the divorce such as real estate professionals, tax professionals, custody evaluators, etc.

I'm sure you may have additional questions. Please contact me and I'd be more than happy to discuss your case.

 

Tips for Non-Custodial Parents and Infant Visitation

 

Almost all parents want as much time with their children as possible. Many times, potential clients approach me wanting overnight visits with their very young children. I remind people that under the law, Courts seek to determine what's in the best interests of the child. Judge's look to psychologists and clinicians to help them determine the best custody arrangements. The age of the child is fundamentally important. Courts are very aware of children's attachment and nurturing needs.

 

A recent study from the University of Virginia confirms what many other studies and custody evaluators have concluded: small children for instance, infants require far more time with their primary caretaker than with the non-custodial parent. The University of Virginia study found that 43% of infants experienced attachment issues as a result of weekly overnight stays with the non-custodial parent compared with 16% of babies who had even less frequent overnight visits. Basically the bottom line is that babies need to spend the night with their primary caregivers.

 

Here are some tips for non-custodial parents of babies:

 

1. Understand that weekend visits and overnights may not be appropriate for your baby.

 

2. Consider negotiating for more consistent and frequent day-time visits instead of overnights.

 

3.  Understand that your parenting plan should be updated as your child gets older and overnights can be incorporated when your child is more mature.

 

4.  Consider that spending less time now with your child may result in much higher quality time with them later as they get older and circumstances change.

 

5. Just because your child spends more time with primary caregiver doesn't make you less of a parent.

 

Whether you are the custodial parent/primary caregiver or the non-custodial parent, an experienced Custody Attorney can help you craft a parenting plan that is both in your child's best interest and yours.

 

This Newsflash comes directly from the Albuquerque Journal. The link is below. This is an important news story as it changes a major understanding of the law.

 

Court: Father doesn’t have to pay child support

 

Scott Sandlin / Journal Staff Writer

 

His parental rights were terminated in 1990 Doña Ana caseA man whose parental rights were terminated after allegations of mental and physical abuse does not have to pay more than $117,000 in court-ordered child support for his two children, the state Court of Appeals has ruled.Judge Michael Bustamante, writing for a unanimous three-judge panel, concluded termination of parental rights severs the parent-child relationship completely – including the support obligation.The ruling came in the case of a Doña Ana County couple who married in 1984 and divorced in 1990. The father was ordered to pay $600 a month in child support payments for the couple’s two children.Three years later, the mother sought to terminate her ex-husband’s parental rights based on allegations of mental and physical abuse. The father didn’t show up for the hearing, and the district judge noted that the children had “witnessed horrific violence and mayhem to those they love.”The judge also noted the father had kidnapped the children and taken them to Texas for 10 months in 1990 without letting them have any contact with the mother during that period.The District Court said the children would not be damaged if they never had contact with the father again and granted the termination request. The November 1993 termination order made no mention of child support.The mother applied for aid from the state Human Services Department. HSD collected some $7,620 from the father and the mother continued to press for unpaid child support.In 2010, District Judge Michael Murphy of Las Cruces ordered the father to pay $117,502 in past due child support plus interest, for a 14-year period from 1994 through September 2010.The father appealed and the Appeals Court reversed Murphy’s order, noting that the state statute dealing with termination of parental rights was far from clear.The mother argued the law dealt with the rights of the parent, not a parent’s duties toward a child, so a child’s “inherent right to support from the parent persists” even after parental rights are ended.The father argued that if the Legislature had intended a continuing duty of child support, it would have explicitly said so.The Appeals Court said that revisions to adoption law, made part of the Children’s Code in significant 1985 revisions, removed reference to a parent’s “duties and obligations” post-termination.“The question is whether the changes in language … reveal a legislative intent to continue support obligations after termination of parental rights. We conclude that they do not,” the Appeals Court said.“Such a significant change,” it said, “would seemingly require definitive action by the Legislature.”Bustamante’s opinion says termination of rights is meant to end the connection forever.“The Legislature had no intent to change the fundamental nature and effect of an order terminating rights when it amended the Children’s Code in 1985,” the ruling said. “The fundamental and terrible act of severing the parent-child relationship cuts off all connection between them except as specifically excepted by the Legislature.”The court said its analysis looked at historical changes in laws “that reflect an evolution of attitudes toward the parent-child relationship and the problems posed by abused, neglected and delinquent children.”Judges Cynthia Fry and Michael E. Vigil joined in the opinion, which reverses the lower court.